I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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