I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
