there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
