allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
