well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I supernannyed him into submission
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