How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
MIDGETS
????
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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