Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
