So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
