so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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