I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I need moral support for this bender
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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