Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
