we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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