There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
