I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
