In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
