I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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