I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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