Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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