That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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