I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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