wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
