I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
