What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
