He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
