Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
