Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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