I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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