Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
