Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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