fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
