She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
