that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
