I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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