how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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