At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize