i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
