Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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