Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
