just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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