You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
