I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm passing your future prison.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
