He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
