who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
