he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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