Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
