You just made me feel so damn special
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
