some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
