After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
