if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
