I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
