Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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