keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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