Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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