I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
