last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
