he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
