then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
