Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
