Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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