Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
