Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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