i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
