I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
