Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
