if you like me you must not know who I am
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
